あなたの文章
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指摘箇所 |
RE: payment to
invoice _7836
to John_
In 20 July I
sent _ _ mail (1about passing payment deadline1)
but (2still payment is not received2).
If (3you have3) _ reason
for not pay please let me know. (4It is possible to resolve somehow by
cooperation.4) We appreciate your business and wait for _ quick payment.
Regards
Kenji Suzuki
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| 添削結果 |
RE: Payment for invoice #7836
Dear John,
On July 20th I sent you an email regarding the past due amount, but we
still have not received payment. If there is some reason for
non-payment, please let us know. We may be able to work something out.
We appreciate your business and are waiting for your prompt payment.
Regards,
Kenji Suzuki |
| 解説 |
(1) 正確な単語の選択
In business we say that money
is "past due" when payment is late. "Regarding" is more polite than
"about", so it is better for business situations.
(2)文法・自然さ
This is unnatural grammar; let's use "we" as a subject here to make a simple active sentence.
(3) 正確な単語の選択
When sending email about problems, it is better to avoid personalizing it. In other words, avoid using you, I, or names. Example:
You lost the money.
The money was lost.
Bob has a problem.
There is a problem.
(4)自然さ
Your sentence is a good direct translation, but it
sounds unnatural. When requesting payment, "cooperation" can sound too
strong or demanding. We often use the expression "work something out"
instead. It means that the two companies can work together to reach
some agreement.
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| その他のポイ
ント |
Americans usually use "July 20th", while the British tend to use "20 July". In either case, the preposition before the date is "on", not "in".
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